Elizibeth

here it is ladies and Gentalman… my  after photo…  I bought a new dress and I hope to get a professional photo done but until then this is it!!

size 30 to size 6

Support and advice I recived on this site helped so much. Thank you so much everyone! (I’m not going anywhere I will still be on the site… I look at my obesity like an alcoholic… I am a recovering/ed obese person… I will always have to be careful)

wow i said it…. that is what people see now when they see me… GASP!!!!!

I made a joke at work the other day (I’m new at the job) I said to a guy I could run faster mad then he could scared… he asked me if i was making a fat joke…. my jaw dropped I forget sometimes that I don’t wear a sign that says hey I am a recovered/recovering MORBIDLY OBESE PERSON

As I still feel that is part of my identity. I am struggling with my size.  Cinerio:

me shopping pants… i pick up size 10… (my size 12’s and 14’s are too big) go to change room try them on

me: “do these pants fit ok”

sales lady: “no they are too big I’ll get you a different size”

she brings me a pair of 8’s and 6’s… i am like ok but I really don’t think they will fit.. I put on the 8’s too big… put on the 6’s they fit… of course i buy them…

I go shopping again the next day as I only owned one pair of pants that fit… I say to the sales lady… I dont know what size I am I bought sizse 6 yesturday but i am sure i am not a size 6…. she looks at me hands me two pairs of size 6 they fit I buy them…. I still can not believe I can fit them its been two weeks I keep trying to mentally convince myself there is something wrong with the sizes!!! ok so i go shopping yet again… and buy a pair of size 28 (inches) levi’s…. Now I am convinced…..

but how do i stop acting and talking like the 365lb woman i used to be? cause now when i do it I look like a skinny…well you know….

will i ever love myself?

When I started out on my weight loss journy 177 lbs ago… I never thought i would be sitting her in size 12 pants and med size shirt… l was a 5x… hard to believe… xxxxxL that was “me” that was how I defined myself it was how I measured my worth as a person… WTF (f stands for fudge honest) When you put so much focus on numbers… pant size dress size weight in lbs you loose alot. I heard something last night at my daughter’s orientation to High School the Vice Principle said “be part of something bigger than yourself” what was bigger than me at 365 lbs (my grand total boy was it grand)

 I have learned over this journy that weight really isn’t that important (im still struggling on it) it is a number on a scale… How do you change focus from loosing weight to maintaining.  from diet and depervation to living without excess… Everything i have done in the last few years were in prep for this weight loss now has me feeling like what now….

I feel like i am standing in a hall way with a thousand doors open for me.. but have no idea where to go or what to do… I fear moving forward… I fear not moving forward… I fear every single day and every single mouthfull of gaining the weight back… this fear silly as it sounds  is actually causign me to over eat why? I have gained 2 lbs so far… I am avoiding the scale at the momment. I am guessing i have gained another two lbs… arg I am trying to to focus on the numbers as I am so much stronger … every day I discover things i can do that I couldn’t before. I can run…. not far but i can do it.. I couldn’t walk 3 blocks before (no exageration) no i can run and dance… man can i dance (meaning physically do it not that i look good doing it lol) I must have danced 4 hours on Saturday… this is the stuff I should be focusing on… not that freeking number.

 Well if anyone read this wow you have endudrance… my random thoughts that I can’t share with people cause they get mad and not understand as they only see my sucess not my internal stuggles…

i wonder is this a rumor or real?

I am soooo close to my goal weight of 180 lbs. 5lbs away… what a challenge. I lost 5.25 lbs this week.. which sounds fantastic but it isn’t.. that is an unhealthy loss. It is such a balance between what i want and what i need. lol I want to loose at least another 5 lbs… I need to be healthy… I have been advised not to loose anymore weight but how can i stop now when i am soooo close. Why am I not happy with what i have already accomplished and walk away  head held high?

Someone asked me yesturday if i can do things now that i couldn’t before… my jaw dropped… HELL YES!! I can actually put my nose on my knee… i can touch my toes.. hell i can cut my own toe nails and paint them YAY it is hard to believe 16 months ago i weight 364lbs… i feel and look like a completely different person.

I really need to focus right now on being healthy and enjoying myself doign the things i couln’t do before… Best of luck to all you wonderful people on this site. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! Please share your sucess and challenges with me.

hi, its been a while since i talked to you all… how you been? Me I am working on not loosing anymore weight… sounds easy hey … not so much… mentally I still feel fat and feel like i need to loose weight… I am soooo close to my goal like 4 lbs… will I be happy where i get there? I am really learning through my weightloss journy that weight is a number… just that a number… it will not make you happy and love yourself… you need to find that at any weight. I have lost 178lbs… somedays i feel exactly like i did when i had that extra weight attached to my body… other days i don’t even know who that person was. Man i have words for her… lol.

I feel like my life has opened up a thousand doors. I am standing the the hallway looking at all those doors and i don’t know whre to go.. why i didn’t loose all this weight to stay at home everynight… I’m lonely and so very very bored with my life… I want to be out in the fresh air running walking anything… but I’m alone. No one to go with… booo i am trying to meet new people and i don’t seem to have a shortage of men that are interested in me. I am just scared to take the bull by the horns…

 How when you have been so physically limited for so long do you just wake up and start being physically active and know what to do… I  don’t know what i like anymore.. i don’t know what possiblilities are there I need a big sister to take my hand and show me… wierd… anyway ladies and gents keep up the great work you all are a great inspiration to me!!

i don’t know who I am anymore… yes I’m happy with my weightloss very happy… however, who the heck am I? did I really base myself as a person on my weight and the physical size I was. I held up my old favorite jeans (size 30) for a friend the other day and he said… i didn’t know legs could be that big… Innocent comment has put me into a tale spin… I’ve been depressed sad and feeling isolated ever since… I don’t want my weight back however my actions seem to be saying otherwise…I’m eating crap, chips candy chocolate ect… all i want to do is eat… I have not stepped on a scale in 3 weeks, the last time i was on a scale i gained .5 lbs… which i needed to do as I lost 16lbs in December, which lead me to be very ill, muscle wasting hospitalized sick.. I didn’t loose that much weight on purpose, i couldn’t eat… every time i did i felt ill. So i stopped eating… instead of t hinking something was wrong with me i thought i was doing something wrong, eating the wrong food eating too fast ect… well turns out I have/had really really bad ulcers. I digress a bit.. my point is that as a result of my health issues and the muscle wasting i was told not to loose anymore weight no excersising (that ban has recently been lifted) I was told by my health care team to gain a bit of weight … that is muscle that i had lost… so I belive I have done that as i can stand on one leg without fallign over and I don’t get dizzy when i stand up… however good this is… its causing me all kinds of distress cause i am not loosing weight and I am sure i have gained… arg am i even making any sence…

 I don’t know what my purpose is anymore… i have been sooo focused on loosing weight for so long now I find I am lost lonely and scared… in my size 12 pants… sad sad sad… i should be so happy but instead im lost and? my advise… learn to be happy at what ever size you are now… as loosing weight will not guarentee happiness!!! deal with your inner demons… They will catch you sooner or later…

so I am almost under 200 lbs… i have not been here in almost 17 years. Wow have things changed.  every aspect of my life is affected by my weight loss work home sex… hum did i say sex… Anyway… I am a bit scared of meeting my goal…. this whole year has been so focused on dieting and eating right and getting smaller what will i do with my time.. i feel like i should have a sign… I am a recovering obese person… then when people see me smile or giggle like a kid over silly little things like fitting into a waiting room chair or crossing my legs they may understand and not think i have lost it… lol

I tell you going from a size 30 jean to a size 14 makes a huge difference in your life…. I can honestly say I have no freeking Idea who I am anymore… who I want to be… who I am supposed to be… is it wrong taht i dance to the radio while i clean and dance to music that is not even playing… it is just fun to be able to move my body again…hello Me.. who ever that is…. later guys good luck keep you heads up and your smiles on!!!

ok so I self sabatosh… (probably spelled it wrong.. but thats ok i want to forget that word…LOL)

I did alot when I was 365lbs. I had myself so convinced I could not loose weight that I wouldn’t… I would keep gaining.. FYI for all you guys out there the first step to loosing weight is to stop gaining.. I can not tell you how important that step is… Stop gaining.. sounds easy hey… wasn’t for me as soon as i would see a little sucess i would promptly go and ruin it for myself and then verbally beat myself up for doing it… these are old habits that I thought I grew out of… well not so much…

 that old demon came back to visit… difference now is I recognized her and slapped that B@#$$ down. Yes I did eat those little chocolate bars (you know the halloween kind) but instead of beating myself up I sat down and figured out why I am doing it. I am a twin I have a daughter… I have been bigger than both of them for ever for my daughter and for 10-12 years for my twin. I now weight less than my twin and fit my daughters clothes that are too small for her. that hurts me cause it hurts them.. I think a part of me wanted to make them feel better… screw it (pardon my profanities.. I usually don’t have such a potty mouth)

Well I do feel bad for my daughter… but instead of turning that into guilt and feeling like I am being a bad mean mom cause My weightloss is hurting her.. I am going to support her to achive her goals weither it be eat healthier or be more active. I am going to encourage her to work with me. (but only if she wants)

 As for my twin… she can suck it up… and I am proud to say the changes I have made are rubbing off on her… she has lost almost 20 lbs just cause I do the groc. shopping and refuse to buy junk. i have replaced potato chips with rice cakes (just an example of one of the changes i have made) She in support of me does not go to Mc Donalds (well when I’m with her anyway) she is now eating breakfast and lunch (most days not always) So YAY her… Keep it comming sis.. My youngest sister is struggling with weight issues as well. She is loosing also but keeps plateau ing.. t hat must be frustrating for her…

So… the mile stone i mentioned in the title… I surpassed the 150 lbs milestone. YAY and here is my WHOOT WHOOT!!

 I keep telling people you want to loose weight.. the first thing is to stop gaining… then once you can maintain what you currently are… make small changes one at a time… keep on the it and you will soon (may take a week or two) see the results… then once you are comfortable with that change and it is now habbit… then add a new one… start with eating breakfast.. funny as it sounds if you want to loose weight eat!!! eat frequently… make more healthier choices than bad ones… and love your self.. or at least like yourself!! Take care all of you!!!!

yeah so how do you bring that up.. oh btw.. i used to wiegh 365lbs.. my body looks like i am the main character in the story saggy baggy elephant. I sag and hang in places i did not know could sag and hang… I look good dressed but … will I ever find someone who can accept all of me and my soft dough like flabby skin? How can he if i can’t accept it. i know it will get better my skin will shrink back a bit and in about 2 years i will get a tummy tuck and maybe a breast reduction.. but what about my (as my 10 year old nephew calls them) bingo swipper arms and my flabby inner thigh? I envy all you young girls who have 40 lbs or so to loose.. your body will recover from that really nice… I have another 50 lbs to loose do you think my body will recover from a 200 lbs weight loss. arg i ramble… anyone know a great guy who loves really soft women… lol have a great day.